We’re Expecting

If you would’ve told me I would be writing this post after publishing our last post on our infertility journey I wouldn’t have believed you. Based on the hours of research I have done on having babies when your husband is in a wheelchair it just didn’t seem like it was going to work without at least multiple tries or the serious intervention of IVF. All of the posts and google searches and research papers left me feeling hopeless and definitely lacking in faith. I felt overwhelmed by the insane amount of money we’d have to dish out of our pocket to have the one thing that we want more than anything in the world..a sweet little baby. To me, based of what I had learned an IUI seemed to be a waste of money with incredibly unlikely odds in our scenario… but, we decided to go for it anyway, and there was a battle daily within me of trying to have open hands and walk in stride with God’s plan and wanting to protect myself from heartbreak.

But I’m here to tell a new story. One that I haven’t seen much of within the world of SCI. I’m here to share with you a story not easily found on the internet within the pages and pages of what seems like a lost cause. I’m here to add to the narrative that there IS hope and that God CAN create life even where it seems impossible.  This is our story.

THE IUI

My ovulation test was positive which means it was GO TIME.

We woke up crazy early to drive to our fertility clinic a few hours away for our first IUI procedure. I woke up feeling really excited, which was new considering how apprehensive I was to do this in the first place. Once we got there we were greeted and brought into a regular exam room where our awesome nurse came in and explained to us how the procedure would work. The whole experience was painless and quick and within a half hour we were on our way home! I remember Aaron and I leaving the clinic hand in hand feeling a hope that we have literally never felt before. I heard a wise woman who was going through fertility treatments once say “From the moment the procedure is complete I believe I am pregnant until proven otherwise.” So that was my mentality leaving that clinic. My body was made to do this and like our sweet nurse said before we left, “All it takes is one to get the job done.” With that word of encouragement in our hearts we left with big smiles on our face. If anything, we were just grateful to have been able to try.

TWO WEEK WAIT

This was rough. Good grief. Pretty much from day one post IUI I found myself symptom spotting. Every little cramp, every headache, every sign of fatigue, whatever it was…it consumed my thoughts. I tried to keep myself busy, rest when I could, eat well and treat my body as though I was pregnant. The hard part about pregnancy symptoms is their essentially the exact same as PMS…so as you can imagine it’s quite confusing when trying to decipher what’s what. It was the day before Mother’s Day,  5 days before I was told I could take a pregnancy test and I remember feeling so tired. I figured I’d just didn’t sleep well so I took a long nap that day not thinking much of it…I was beginning to lose hope because my “PMS” symptoms were picking up.

IT’S POSITIVE

It’s Mother’s Day. Normally I’ve been able to get through Mother’s Day just fine. It’s never affected me in a negative way but this year felt different. I felt very sensitive to the fact that I could or could not be pregnant. We had church that morning and I was feeling really tired again by the time we got home and took a really long nap. I woke up feeling a little crampy and really sad. I didn’t feel pregnant and I just really didn’t want to wait 4 more days before taking that test. Two weeks felt like two years but another part of me didn’t want to ever take the test because being able to hold onto the hope felt good. I told Aaron about how I was feeling and his solution in that moment was to take one of the expired tests that my best friend Abbie had given me late last year. At first I was like, no I can’t do that. It’s too soon. I don’t want to get a false negative and completely lose hope. I was clinging to just the possibility of a positive and was scared to take a test…but the other part of me couldn’t wait any longer, so once I had Aaron’s blessing I decided to go for it. When I tell you I was not expecting anything from this test I mean it. I really didn’t think it was going to work on our very first try. I said a prayer, took the test and walked back out into the living room and paced for the longest three minutes of my life. I walked back into the bathroom and truly couldn’t believe what I saw. Two. Pink. Lines. Wait, WHAT? At this point I think I like blacked out because Aaron said I just walked out of the bathroom and stared at him with my jaw dropped. He came into the bathroom with me, looked at the test and immediately flipped it over and said “No, don’t get your hopes up..it’s an expired test. What if it’s a false positive? It’s expired. It can’t be.” to which I responded “That doesn’t really happen” So at this point, naturally I went back into the kitchen and chugged a ton of water because I had one more test that was new and I had been saving for Wednesday. I took the second test and within about a minute it came back positive. I was in the bathroom alone at this point the overwhelming presence of the Lord met me there. I felt so seen. So heard. So loved. So cared for. So in awe of His goodness and His ability to answer prayers in the most beautiful way…on Mother’s Day no less. This life…this little baby…is undeniably the Lord’s work. Only He can create life and in that moment all I could bring myself to do was thank Him over and over and over for His provision. All the years of an empty womb behind me. All the tears shed from wanting to live into my calling of being a mother wiped away. All the frustration of feeling unseen and unheard removed.

Did I go to target and buy 4 more tests anyway and take one every day up until Wednesday? Yes, yes I did. Abbie literally had to tell me “You know, you can stop taking those tests now..” haha! I was in such disbelief it was a thrill to see the second line darken each day.

This baby is a complete miracle and the only explanation is God’s powerful hand at work. Our first IUI worked. I don’t share this to boast or brag but to remind you that just because something seems out of reach doesn’t mean it is for God. I wish I could’ve found a post like this one when we were in the depths and felt like all the odds were stacked against us. So, I hope that this post finds you and gives you hope. Hold on, seek Jesus and TRUST Him, and just take the next right step. That’s really all we can do. God’s timing is perfect and He knows your every need..even better than you do yourself.

Baby Spina…you are going to be a force to be reckoned with. We cannot wait to meet you, our strong little miracle. We love you so much already.

I’m 14 weeks this week which means I have officially made it into my second trimester! Woot woot! I’ll be posting about how the first trimester has been for me soon. <3 Thank you from the bottom of our hearts for praying with us. You’re prayers were heard and we are overjoyed.